WATERPROOF MASCARA: THE APRYL LAUREN INTERVIEW March 2007 Can two metropolises coexist as one in the abstract world of a recording artist? Growing up in the bay area of California, having lived in Los Angeles, and now residing for some time in Las Vegas, Apryl Lauren is no stranger to city life. Where divergent spirits collide with the allure of attraction, where seduction and disloyalty offer a naked glimpse into the private affairs of illicit desire, where evocative sighs and movements underneath soft sheets are overtaken by the din and intractable momentum of avarice, where the money-go-round of myriad temptations are served by a weakness for action, sound, and light, a struggle for redemption and purity finds its way through the inner realms of Apryl Lauren’s heart. In her songs, in the relentless pursuit of spiritual perfection, Lauren embraces beauty – a beauty where acceptance and inviolate sanctity have overcome betrayals that only convoluted intimacy with dissolute souls could effect. The white line fever from Los Angeles to Las Vegas is a drive through the minimalism of nature, the simplicity of desolation, barren sands and tumbleweeds of driftless aim. There was a time when Apryl Lauren had no exit. The only option was to put her foot on the gas pedal and burn through a dry wasteland toward shallow pools of subjugation, lust, and the search for what is right, just, and true. Amidst a mirage of glitter and glitz, few lost souls have found their way out of an electric haze that blinds, that obscures one’s vision of a reality based not on substance, but rather on the magnetism of false hopes and dreams designed to obfuscate an almost pathological need for personal destruction. Lauren has used her own destruction to achieve rebirth within the same life. Like the booming construction and demolition of its numerous, legendary landmarks, Las Vegas mirrors that need for destruction while circumventing the albatross of disintegration to which so many denizens seem attracted – an albatross that Lauren has lifted from her neck and jettisoned into the sands of time. Having released in 2004 a 5-song Ep entitled Half-Dressed, Apryl Lauren set herself along the arduous, often painful path of creating her first full-length debut, Waterproof Mascara. The new record is reflective of a byway towards the licentious and lovelorn, terminally consigned, and a sensual release of real love that only happens when the inner light is turned on, radiating a natural incandescence so powerful as to eclipse the high voltage artifice surrounding its inspiration. Waterproof Mascara is, however, not without darkness nor melancholy. By and large, it’s a lush, subtle pop record that allows the listener to remain in a quiet, reflective place. Waterproof Mascara takes the road less traveled, but with a telekinetic scope seen from a deconstructive past that no longer exists. Yet that past is revealed in the present as though it’s alive in spite of the illusion.  Visit Apryl Lauren online: http://www.apryllauren.com PROLOGUE: THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH Q: Who is Apryl Lauren? Apryl: Who am I? Boy…… I’m complicated, high maintenance (laughs), confused. I’m never quite settled; but loyal and happy-go-lucky. Q: If that’s who you are as a person, who are you as an artist? How is who you are as an artist relevant to those qualities you mentioned that make up who you are as a person? Apryl: As an artist, what I do is an outlet. It’s a source and a place for me. In the real world, there’s so many demands where you can’t really be creative. Everyone might say, “Oh, be creative; be this, be that; be what you want to be.” The truth is, you really can’t. When it comes down to it, a lot of things aren’t acceptable. As an artist, that’s the one place where I don’t care.  Q: What’s not acceptable and why isn’t it acceptable? Apryl: I think it’s not acceptable to be extremely colorful. ‘You’re weird.’ Because life gets people down – work, kids, family, bills, and doing things they’re not happy doing – it seems there’s a general consensus of unhappiness. ‘If I’m unhappy, you should be unhappy, too.’ This is what I see. There’s this layer of ‘Be happy, but don’t really be happy.’ Q: In what regard? Apryl: Everybody wants to be happy. That’s everybody’s goal. Yet I don’t know that people really do want to be happy. I think that people just want to be what they’re used to being. There’s this comfort level that people, based on their upbringing and based on their experiences, are used to having. It’s really hard to break molds. It’s difficult to break out of things that you know, because there’s always safety in the good and then the bad. No matter what it is, for you, there’s safety in those things, just because you’ve been there before. Q: Are you talking about freedom? Is it that people aren’t willing to do what it takes to have the kind of freedom necessary to be a colorful person? They can’t bring themselves to give up the compromises that they’re making? Apryl: I agree with that; and I would even take it a step further to say that not only are they not willing, but some of them are so involved, they can’t even see it. They are just in their box. It’s not that they wouldn’t necessarily try if they only knew. Q: How have you transcended those kinds of limitations? What’s inside of you that has allowed you to transcend them? Apryl: I noticed that when I do things, I never do it the same as anybody else. I have no idea why. I don’t know why I can’t go in the same direction that most people go. You could have twenty people all asked to do the same thing. They’ll all do it the same way; and I’ll be the one person who does it some weird, funky way, thinking it’s normal. It’s the way I think, the way I reason, and the way I understand things, even if it’s as simple as getting to a certain location. Q: What do you think engendered that aspect of you? Apryl: I think I’ve been on my own for so long, because there really wasn’t any guidance – we learn those things from our parents; we learn how to make decisions and how to reason; we see those things from our parents and from our peers – I didn’t really have that. So, I came up with my own way. Q: How did it come about? Why didn’t you have the usual upbringing? Apryl: For many years, as a young child, I was from one of those families where the parents stay together for the kids. They really didn’t want to be together; but they’re just human beings. We all make mistakes. When I was nine, my parents split up. It was a nasty, nasty split. I went with my mom. There was a lot of mistrust, a lot of lies, and a lot of games. I shut down to both of them. I was really angry with both of them; and I didn’t listen to either one of them from that point on. I was always reading in my room. I wasn’t one of those kids who was out and about. I’d just lock myself up and read. I didn’t have a lot of interaction. Q: You didn’t have a lot of friends? Apryl: No, I didn’t; no. Q: How do you feel that kind of background has affected you as a person and as an artist? Apryl: It’s done several things. As a person, it’s made me very strong and independent. It’s also made me very stubborn and untrusting. I like to think that the good outweighs the bad. As an artist, I had a lot of time to think about how I felt about things and form my own opinions without bias. I go back to that place a lot. I’ve learned to trust myself. I’ve honestly learned that I couldn’t trust my mother, couldn’t trust my father. That’s how I felt. Q: Could you not trust them because they weren’t supportive of you? There are many parents who really don’t support their kids becoming the person they’re going to become and want to be, but rather whatever their projection of who that kid is. Do you feel as though they didn’t support your individuality? Apryl: I don’t think they had a minute to see who I was. They were so wrapped up in hurting each other. Also, my little brother was a menace and kept them very busy. He would act out. I would act in. They were busy with him; and they were busy seeing who was more important than the other, who could get more from the other. I don’t think they had an opportunity at that point in time to even see what I was doing. I lived with my mother for a year once they divorced. At 10 or 11, I went to live with my dad. I didn’t even speak to my mother for almost ten years. I chose my dad because he meant freedom. He was less strict and more easy going. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. Q: Does that background and circumstance find its way into your art? Apryl: Absolutely. When you feel that alone, when you feel that much fear, when you know that you’re really on your own, a lot of it is in my writing: Finding your own inner strength. PART I: WATERPROOF MASCARA Q: You have a new disc out, your first full-length one, called Waterproof Mascara. What does your new record represent? Apryl: Actually, there was the Half-Dressed Ep. There are some tracks from that Ep on Waterproof Mascara, but there are some incredible, additional tracks as well. There’s a very specific period of time in which the new tracks were written that have a lot to do with being absolutely destroyed. We cause our own drama. At this point in my life, I understand that I allowed all those things to happen. For the sake of the album, I’m glad that I did, even though it was a very tumultuous time for me. I was so traumatized during that period that, literally, I wore waterproof mascara every single day because I cried so much. When I was at work, because I was singing at a casino and I was required to look a certain way, I couldn’t be going around crying all of the time. So I would wear waterproof mascara every single day, in case the waterworks turned on. Q: What was happening? Obviously, there was a lot of personal strife. When you consider that personal strife, and you treat a symptom of it with an element such as waterproof mascara, and you make that element the title of your record, there must be some pretty heavy significance. What does the title of your new record, and the record itself, represent? Apryl: It represents a period of most of my life where I was out of control and learning. When I think about it, I’m so different now. I had a hard time finishing this album in the sense that I felt like that period of my life was done, but I felt as though I couldn’t leave it behind until I finished this album. Q: As a catharsis? Apryl: Yes. A cathartic representation of most of my life. Q: What was the past and what was causing the potential of turning on the tears that would make you wear waterproof mascara everyday? Apryl: Relationships that I had, that I created. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the writer, Satre. He wrote one of my favorite plays. It’s called No Exit. It’s about these three people who are in hell; but hell isn’t really hell. It’s those three personalities that create hell. During that particular time, I had created my own hell; but I didn’t know for a long time. I couldn’t see. I had created hell by way of relationships I had with people. Q: How had you created hell? Apryl: There was a man; there was a woman; there was another man. There was a series of events that led to people getting hurt, people being in love, feeling helpless, feeling out of control. Obsession. Betrayal. Q: Obsession and betrayal on your part or the other person’s part? Apryl: On the other person’s part; and me, too. It was a big, nasty time for about a year and a half. It made for some good writing. Q: In the realm of those romantic, non-platonic relationships, but also in your regular friendships and relationships with people, I’m going to assume that those persons were the wrong people for you. Apryl: Absolutely. Q: Why were they wrong? Apryl: I think they were wrong because I have a tendency, and I think a lot of us in general have a tendency, to see what we want to see. We want to see what we want to see when sometimes we’ll make it up even it’s not even there. You might see someone and, maybe because they’re especially attracted to you, you make them to be ‘smoke-man’ or ‘smoke-woman.’ You create the person that you want them to be; but they just aren’t that person. You can’t make somebody be something that they’re not. I don’t mean whether or not they care about you, but just attributes that they may have. You might fall in love with a whole persona that isn’t even there. They may not even really be a nice person. They may actually be manipulative, greedy, and selfish; but you can’t see it because you’ve already created something else. Q: Do those elements of human nature find their way into your songs? Apryl: Absolutely. Q: You have those elements that are representative of the emotional tone of Waterproof Mascara. You mentioned before that the title refers to a period in your life, perhaps not even that far back, when you wore waterproof mascara in case the faucets turned on. The new disc is called Waterproof Mascara not just because you went through a tough time. What’s the deeper meaning behind why you called your record by that title? Apryl: The deeper meaning behind it is that until you realize what you really want, or not even what you really want, even more importantly, what you really don’t want, it’s hard to know what you want all the time; but I think it is important to know what you don’t want. You feel a certain peace inside yourself that you’re o.k. no matter what, no matter who comes in and out of your life, once you decide what your own personal boundaries and limitations are. It’s so much harder than it seems. I feel as though I’ve finally come to a place where I do know. It doesn’t matter what somebody looks like, what somebody says. It’s who they are; what they actually show you over time. You open your eyes and you just see things differently. You don’t make judgments as quickly. In the whole making of Waterproof Mascara, even the songs before, I was a lost soul. I think you can hear that. Q: What do you want? What do you know that you don’t want? What boundaries do you set up, and how does all of it equate to Waterproof Mascara? Apryl: In writing that music, and even revisiting the songs I wrote previously, I realize that what I don’t want is…..(pause). There just has to be…..(pause). There’s no one I’ve ever been able to trust in my whole life; and I’ll be damned if I’m going to continue in that path because I’ll never be happy. There’s gotta be somebody. One person that you really, really trust, be it a family member, a lover. There has to be somebody. You can’t just tell yourself to trust; you have to open your heart and say, “O.K. I’m going to give this a shot. I’m going to trust somebody.” That’s something I’m now able to do. PART II: LOVE AND DESTRUCTION Q: The transition from lack of trust to trust, is that what’s primarily changed since the three years have passed since you made Half-Dressed and now your new full-length disc, Waterproof Mascara? Or is there more?  Apryl: There’s more. Even beyond the trust, you have to love yourself. You have to love yourself and think that you’re valuable and worthy of love and respect. My music is good. Not everybody is going to like it, but my music is good. Understanding that what you do is just and true, and that who you are is just and true, and what you represent is clear….. My boyfriend says that I’m a force of nature. There’s people who you know who say, “Oh, she’s cool. She’s nice.” When it comes to me, people either say, “That girl is amazing; that girl is so cool; I just love that girl.” Or people say, “I cannot be around that girl. She’s nuts. She can’t hold back.” They can’t handle the raw emotion that I seem to be all of the time. I don’t really know a medium place; I don’t know an in-between very well. I’m very, very happy; or I’m very, very unhappy. I’m very, very excited; or I’m very, very tired. My mind is always going a hundred miles an hour. For those reasons, I think that strong and confident people can take that in and know what to do with it, and can be my friend or be my lover. There’s not a lot in between. That’s just me. Q: You said that you have to learn to love yourself. How do you learn to love yourself and how does it equate to you learning to love yourself? Apryl: That’s a tough question. There are varying degrees. It’s not all black and white. I got so beaten up. Before Waterproof Mascara was completed, I had a hard time finishing it; I really did. It was too painful. I was opening wounds, sowing them back up, putting those wounds away for awhile, then opening them back up again. I learned to love myself when I was with one of my closest friends at a gallery. There was a picture of The Phoenix. This very beautiful Phoenix was absolutely burnt, burnt to ashes. The end of the story is that the Phoenix had to be completely, utterly destroyed. Not an ounce of this bird could be left except for ashes. Only at that point could the Phoenix rise up and be more beautiful than it ever had been. It took a moment where I was so destroyed, not just because of people, rather because ‘What am I here for? I’m so miserable and I feel so useless.’ Then you sit down and you say, ‘I’m either going to go kill myself, or I’m going to figure out who the hell I am and what it is that I want to do with myself. Somehow. Even if it’s just me and one other person.’ Q: You had to lose yourself and then reinvent yourself? Apryl: For sure. PART III: BURN TO SHINE Q: The aesthetic of your new record, to me, production-wise, is very urbane, even cosmopolitan. There’s nothing rural about it. Would you say that’s an accurate impression of your sound? Apryl: I would say so; yes. As far as the picture that’s on the cover, what I was trying to portray was a tragic beauty. That’s the best way I know how to put it. It’s significant of a particular time towards the end where I had to look like a showgirl with the waterproof makeup, the waterproof mascara. It was just painful; the chemicals in this stuff. Literally, I would look like a showgirl - and my eyes would be as red as anyone could imagine - but in the light, you couldn’t really see from the dark. The way the lighting was, all you saw was glitter and glitz. Only if you were really up close could you see that my eyes were stained red. It always seemed just so bad. Q: You mean the fact that there’s a mask over what you’re really feeling and who you are? Apryl: Yeah. I think that many people live that way all the time. I don’t think I’m so alone. Q: You revealed that you were a singer in a casino. Do you want to explain more what it was like? Apryl: Sure. At the time, I was a singing cocktail waitress. Once an hour, you were expected to drop off your tray, get up on a stage that was on top of a bunch of slot machines, and sing your heart out. Before the job, you had to look a certain way. You had to weigh a certain amount. If your lipstick wasn’t perfect, someone would tell you and ask you to reapply. If you gained five pounds, you were weighed regularly, if there was a discrepancy of any kind, you’d get a phone call. They’d threaten you with a certain time limit to lose that weight. Basically, singing in a casino was really thankless. You get up there, and you’re singing “River Deep, Mountain High.” You’re singing your guts out, and all you’d hear is ‘clink-clink-clink-clink-clink-clink-clink-clink.’ We had a little thing where we’d say, “Thank you, crickets; thank you, crickets.” One time the power went out, and nobody knew what to do. I got up on stage and everybody went crazy. They wouldn’t let me get off the stage. I sang five or six songs. Everybody was going crazy and it was just fabulous. It’s probably the most memorable moment I had there, where they literally wouldn’t let me get off the stage. Q: It was a positive moment; but by and large, would you say that it was demeaning and deleterious to your self esteem? Apryl: Absolutely. You’re walking around with a tray, your boobs are hanging out. Sometimes people think you’re a prostitute; and I’m, like, “Yeah, I’m a prostitute with a tray, asshole.” Things like that; and you think, “I’m a singer, a talented singer, a trained singer.” They were two environments that I don’t feel matched. If you’re going to put on a show, then put on a show where people want to see a show, where people expect to see a show. But the money was good. I did it for as long as I could take it. Anyplace you work where there’s a lot of artists, we’re talking about 80 people on any given day, singers and dancers, wherever you’re in an atmosphere with a lot of creative people, you have a lot of drama. Q: The urbane or cosmopolitan production aesthetic of your album, how does it equate to the environment in which you were? Or does it? Apryl: I never really spoke about that particular environment, but the environment was the basis of everything in some of those songs. I actually wrote “Peace Of Mind” standing in a corner of the casino one day, based on some of those individuals that were involved in my personal life at the time. Literally, “It’s unkind how you find peace of mind.” That was the first statement that came out. It came from this uncaring, brutal atmosphere. In that sense, I would say, yes, it contributed. PART IV: CRUEL HEARTS AND OTHER OBSESSIONS Q: In songs such as “Peace Of Mind” or “Obsession,” there seems to be a longing for something or someone to whom, in some way, you’re inextricably tied. In “Peace Of Mind,” as the singer, you’re disturbed by the impending emotional fate of the character in the song. There’s also resignation and acceptance. How exactly do those expressions relate to what you just said about the song? Apryl: Because I was involved with these people and these places for a long time. “Peace Of Mind” was one of those songs where in that environment and with this person that I was so in love with at the time, I’d been dealing with him for so long at that point, I knew it was never going to work out. I finally got it through my head that it wasn’t going to be something that was going to work the way that I wanted it to; but I was still very angry about it. Q: In a lyric such as, “You drive so fast, and move so slow. It’s unkind how you find peace of mind…” Apryl: Well, because he’s very manipulative. Q: And that’s how he derives his own peace of mind, by being cruel? Apryl: It’s entertaining to him; yes. Q: Whereas in a song such as “Obsession,” it appears that you’re in human bondage to someone who’s just as wrong for you; but it’s a different equation.  Apryl: “Obsession” is the most different song. It was written in Los Angeles before I ever came to Las Vegas. Out of all my songs, “Obsession” stands on its own in the way it was written. As you’re aware, there are different kinds of songwriters. There are storytellers; there are people who tell stories about other things. People that they see; people who they know. Then there are people who can only write songs about themselves, introspective songs. “Obsession” was one where I had decided to write about someone else. Even though it still came from my perspective, I wanted to focus on someone else. Although it was derived from someone else, I made it seem as though it was my story. It’s about a young man who was in my acting class. He was stalking me for a very long time. At that point in time, I’d never experienced obsession. I thought, “I really want to understand what it feels like. What must this guy feel like; ‘cause I was scared of this person. I’d see him peeking in my windows at all hours of the night. He knew where I lived. We had actually dated; I’d broken it off; but he just wouldn’t stop. I’d think, “What is going on in this person’s mind? How can you be so delusional that you can’t see that you’re scaring someone where you’re not invited?” I was going to write a song about how that must feel; and that’s where “Obsession” came from. Q: “Obsession” is not so much about somebody else. It really is about you because you were drawn to that person, initially, as that person was drawn to you. What about yourself do you think drew that person to you? Apryl: Probably the same sort of desperation that he felt. I was just as desperate as he was; but when it became so forced upon me that I said, “This just doesn’t feel right,” it took a turn. Initially, yes, it was the law of attraction. You attract what you want even if it’s negative. Even if you don’t consciously know or realize, you will attract whatever it is that you feel. Q: In other words, you feel in some ways that you shared the feeling of desperation, certainly a different kind of desperation than he was experiencing, but they coalesced to engender this negative attraction? Apryl: Right. It just took a nasty turn. To this day, I’ll still get an e-mail every so often. He’s a nice guy, but I don’t want to contact him. Q: Was it a period where as an individual, and per the song, you didn’t feel as well being by yourself? Had you felt that you could find solace within another person, the desperation of finding that right person, as opposed to being at home with yourself? Apryl: Yes. It does become a turnoff when you realize that it’s not about you, this love that somebody’s throwing at you, that they don’t love you. You’re a sick object that they must have. You could steal from them, do harmful things to them, and they wouldn’t understand. That’s where you say, “This is really wrong.” They’re not seeing you. You know they don’t love you for you. The minute they snap out of it, when they realize that they don’t love you for you, that can change. I remember thinking, “What if he woke up one day and realized that I’m not this person on a pedestal, and dropped me like a bad hat?” PART V: BLOW Q: A short while ago, you talked about sexual attraction. Whether it’s the lyrics to “Obsession” that are very sensual or, as a parallel, the lyrics to the record’s opening cut, “Blow,” which seem to be sexual on the surface if one gives the song a cursory listen, there’s something very lonely and dissolute at the crux of them. In fact, I find, and correct me if I’m wrong as I’m not here to tell you what your music is and what it isn’t, that dissolute spirits seem to embody many of the persons in your songs. Apryl: Yeah. “Blow,” especially. Q: The question that I have, specifically, is from where inside of you does that feeling come? Apryl: “Blow” is a very misleading song. People try to figure that song out; and they can’t. It could be sexual. As you said, on the surface, it seems like a sexual song. You’re absolutely correct in saying that it’s not. It’s an emotional explosion of a spirit, really. What it represents is someone I knew, someone I had dealings with whom I thought was very ill. Q: A relationship or just a friend? Apryl: Not even a friend; an acquaintance who just couldn’t stay away from me because I was in a working capacity. I felt very, very bad for this person. (pause) “Blow” is a tough song to talk about. “Blow” represents an explosion of spirit, where you realize that you can’t help someone. They’re gone. They’re in a space, in a place where they can only help themselves; and there’s nothing you can do. You realize that person, at some point, isn’t going to make it. I hate to cross somebody off the list, because people can change and people do grow at any point in their lives; but there’s a likelihood that it may not occur with certain individuals. I strongly felt it was likely that this person wasn’t ever going to make it out of their hole. Q: What was the hole that person was in? Apryl: He was very, very depressed about someone in his life he had lost whom he could never get back. He made huge mistakes that could never be resurrected. Q: Not lost in death, but lost as a relationship? Apryl: Right. He had turned to a self-torturous path, a self-punishing path. Permanently. In the most severest of ways. He would just hurt himself, physically, on a regular basis. He wasn’t suicidal; he didn’t want to die. He wanted to live and punish himself. Q: He punished himself in sexual relationships with other people? Apryl: Right. He’d physically hurt himself by scratching himself, huge marks, cutting. He was someone whom I’d see on a regular basis. Every time I saw him, he was worse and worse and worse. I knew at some point, it was going to end. Q: Do you mean that he was going to die? Apryl: Yes. He was going to die. He might be dead; I don’t know. Q: In “Blow,” you have a line that says, “ I know that you’re crazy. You all always are. I can be crazy, if you let me go that far.” Are you referring to yourself in the first person or the individual? Apryl: In that moment, a part of it, I was referring to myself. When someone is that gone, when you have absolute control and power over someone, it’s very easy to take advantage of it. Q: Do you mean that you had an attraction to taking advantage? Apryl: It’s not an attraction. This isn’t someone I wanted to be with in any way, shape, or form. It was a business relationship; but when someone gives you that much power…..(pause). There came a point with this person when I didn’t feel sorry for him anymore. I was, like, “You know what? If you want to live like this, and this is what you want, so be it.” Q: He gave you emotional power over him? Apryl: Oh, yeah. Q: Because you were trying to help him, but he’s something of a masochist? Apryl: Oh, for sure. Q: And you being the person that you are, even though there’s something of an attraction to power, it wasn’t within your character to want to abuse it? Apryl: That’s correct; but at some point, it dulls you. When things are shocking, they’re only shocking for the first time. When you see it over and over again, like caring for a terminally ill person, it becomes less shocking. I make that comparison, because that’s what it felt like. Q: If you wrote “Blow,” it’s because of the emotional power that this person gave to you, and the fact that by nature you’re not someone who wants to take advantage of having power and control over that person; but it created a struggle within you, no? Apryl: Right. The chorus says, “You take what you need, but you get what you deserve.” At the end, I was angry with him. At some point, you come to understand the scope of the story. You realize that person needs you to know that he’s hurting himself. Then you get to a point where you say, “Well, you have the control to stop.” And you just don’t feel their pain anymore. You don’t feel their anguish. I don’t think it’s good to get to a place where you don’t care anymore. I don’t think it’s healthy. It’s better to always care. It’s a good sign if someone’s shocked by someone doing that to himself. It’s a good thing to care and want to help and want to try to get them to stop. Q: You felt that is was dulling your capacity to be…. Apryl: A decent human being. Q: To be disturbed and to feel? Apryl: Yeah. That’s where that chorus comes in, “You take what you need, but you get what you deserve.” PART VI: ON THE EDGE OF ILLUSION Q: Where’s the demarcation between who you are in your everyday life and who you are as an artist, along with the stories and imagery such as we’ve talked about that your songs project? Apryl: These songs seem like chapters in a book. Sitting here right now in my house in Las Vegas where I feel safe and comfortable, and I feel like a whole person, during each chapter, each song, had they each had their own life, they almost seem like being an actor, being a performer, like chapters in somebody else’s story. They actually feel very separate from me at this point. Q: Those chapters are not necessarily parts of you that find their ways into the songs, nor are they parts of you that remain semi-hidden? Apryl: I wish I could say that was true. I love to think that I’m completely separate from them; but I’m not and I never will be. I think it’s good that I can acknowledge it, because then I can keep them at bay. The truth is that they do feel separate from me for the most part. They seem like stories that happened to somebody else, involving people that I never knew. Everything that you do in your life, like a niche on a baseball bat, leaves marks. Yes, they’re definitely drawn from those stories; but at this point in my life, I know what they are. I know those emotions that they bring up. When they come up, I just try to put them in the right place. Q: Given the person that you are in your everyday life and who you are as an artist, there is a blurred line although it seems to be indicative of a past on which you’re reflecting as opposed to who you are now, looking at it from an outside vantage point. Apryl: That is correct. I have to keep them separate because I don’t think I could ever live like that again. Just like any other story. Q: As an artist, being that that’s what you’ve known in your past, and you’ve broken those patterns and have come to love yourself, and to be a new human being, how do you find the provocative disturbance, the really hardcore emotional value, if you have seen fit to remove yourself from it and be a more balanced person?  Apryl: I have to be honest with you, it’s really hard. I’ve had a hard time writing now. I have to find a new way. I really struggle because I don’t want to go back at all. Q: And it’s difficult to have a crystal ball and see what’s in the future. Apryl: Right. So, what do I write about? The truth is, I haven’t been writing that much lately. Q: That’s something that you figure out as you find out who you are as a person blurred with who you are as an artist? Apryl: Even though I haven’t been writing a ton within the last few months, I think it’s a good sign that I find a new direction. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I don’t think it’s positive to live in the past all of the time. It took me a long time to realize it, because all I could do before was live in the past. Q: You’ve been very candid about the parts of you as a person that find their way into your songs. What parts of you stay hidden? Apryl: I’m almost shutting the door on an era, if you will, an era of pain, an era of being lost, an era of mistrust, misguidance, and fear. My life has very much changed. I’m stable; I work hard; I love music; I love my guy. Artists want to hear about pain and suffering. The truth is, I’m very much into the human condition; but I don’t want pain and suffering to be my sole existence. And they have been. Those songs came from pain and suffering. Now what needs to happen is that I need to focus on the human condition, but from other perspectives. Q: If someone were to ask you what your self image is, what would you say? Apryl: Self image…(pause)… I do think I’m a force of nature. I think I’m a lot to handle. I’d rather be me and be a lot to handle than to be someone who can’t speak their mind, who is afraid, meek, and doesn’t want to appreciate life as much as I do. So, I’m o.k. with the fact that I’m a force of nature. I feel powerful as a person, as a woman. I feel like once I decide to do something, nobody can stop me, whatever it may be. I can do whatever I want. PART VII: SIN CITIES Q: What role, if any, does the singular environment that is Las Vegas play in the tone of your music and your lyrics? Apryl: Las Vegas plays a large role. Actually, it’s a great place to write music. It’s a very transient town. People come and go. All kinds of people. People who want to get rich quick. If you have any weakness at all, Vegas will nab it. Whether it’s sex, drugs, gambling, we have everything. Any time of day or night, you can get it! It’s a big-small town. With that kind of shopping available, you see all kinds. It draws all kinds. It’s a plethora of personalities and experiences. It’s not like if you go to some sleepy town in the Midwest, you get very similar types of people acting in similar ways. You don’t get that here. Q: And the role that environment plays in your music and your lyrics? Apryl: I think Vegas is cold. Emotionally, it’s a cold environment. I get that aspect in my music. People are here for themselves. They come here to try to get something. Q: Don’t they come to Los Angeles for the same reasons? Apryl: They do. I was just going to say that Las Vegas is a mini-L.A. Except that in Los Angeles, they hide it a little better. Not all the time, but in general. It’s a little more dressed up. Q: It’s gambling of a different kind. Apryl: Exactly. In Las Vegas, it’s the same thing; but it’s more out there. The grunt and gruel of it is more noticeable. Q: You described Las Vegas as “cold.” I want to know what you mean, because in “Blow,” you have the line, “And then one day when we get cold and we are shallow.” Apryl: In Las Vegas, you can become desensitized. For example, in California you go to eat at a regular restaurant. People sit and eat. There’s a bar; and people will sit at the bar and drink. Sometimes they drink too much and get rowdy. It happens all the time. In Las Vegas, you can literally see on any given night in any bar the gambling, the drinking; and then there’s a prostitute. On any given night, you can see so many stories unfold while there’s a family of four having dinner ten feet away. It’s more condensed desensitization. You get used to it. Q: To a degree, do you chronicle that desensitization in your lyrics? Apryl: Yeah, I do. Do you feel that the environment in which you live directly affects the sound of the music, the production aesthetic? Apryl: Yeah, I would say so. A solemn feel; a cool feel. Even though I’m saying it’s cold, it’s transient, and there’s all these different people, the one thing I love about being in a city where there’s such variety - there’s pain, there’s incredible potential - is that there’s freedom. In the midst of it all, you have the opportunity to be whatever you want to be; good, bad, or otherwise. Q: What sort of psychic and spiritual effect does living in Las Vegas have on you as an artist and as a person? Apryl: It can dampen the spirit. My spirit struggles to stay afloat. There’s a lot of resistance to people who want to succeed. The stronger your spirit is, the harder the demons push. Q: Do you think that’s exclusive to Las Vegas? Apryl: Actually, when you really think about it, I think that’s in life. You have to work really hard. You can sit there and do nothing and watch TV all day. Say you have some source of income coming in and you don’t have to do anything. That, to me, is negative. You’re not moving forward. There are people who die everyday in this town; and nobody finds them for weeks and weeks and weeks. It’s a lonely town. Spiritually, that can’t be good for anybody. Q: In other words, the effect that Las Vegas has on you as an artist, as a person, is that one has a certain sense of loneliness. Apryl: Yeah. It’s a lonely town; and you really have to work hard to create relationships. You don’t just meet people. You have to create relationships in this town that work. Q: Don’t you have to create relationships anywhere? Apryl: You do; but I think that if you live in certain places, if you make an effort to join a specific group - let’s say that I was really into sewing, and you join a sewing group. In certain areas, that sewing group is going to be filled with a lot of women who really love to sew. In Vegas, the groups are smaller. It’s harder to get people together. It’s harder to get people together who have the same thoughts. Obviously, people are different everywhere; but it’s harder to get people to show up for anything. Q: Why? Apryl: Because people are more out for themselves here. They’re not interested in what other people are doing outside of their own game plan. I honestly feel the same way about L.A. Here, music is not as glamorous as it is in L.A. Nowhere, really. L.A. is the music capital of the world as far as I’m concerned. When I was in L.A., you could go any night of the week and perform. There are places where you can do open mics; you can book a gig here and there. You may not make money doing it, but you could be a performer. You can’t do that here. There aren’t venues for it. There are some, but not like in L.A. Q: When I asked you what psychic and spiritual effect living in Las Vegas has on you as an artist, you talked about how it’s a lonely town; but you, yourself, are not lonely. Apparently, you have a good relationship right now. I’m going to assume that you have friends , too. Apryl: I have a few really close friends; and I guard them with my life because they’re so hard to come by. I have a million acquaintances. Q: That loneliness certainly is not your own personal loneliness, it’s really something that’s palpable in the environment there. How is it palpable? Apryl: I see it. I intuitively feel it. I see it everyday at the bar. I see it in the people with whom I sit down and talk. When I talk with them about their families and what their goals and dreams are, they’re very limited. They often don’t know. Q: Are you saying that relationships can be more shallow? Apryl: More shallow, less than trusting. People are desperate here. They’ve lost everything. There’s a lot of people who came here who have gambling problems. In a survey, they say that 6 % of the state admitted that they have serious gambling problems. I’m thinking that, realistically, it’s more like 10 %. They live their lives in that roller coaster ride of winning and losing. That’s their whole life. Q: In a way, as a songwriter, using sex, romance, and dysfunction as key elements of the human condition, you are commenting on the socio-economic aspect of your living environment. Apryl: Sure. The truth is, there’s so much to write about here. It doesn’t have to be about me anymore, unless I want it to be. EPILOGUE: IN A WOMAN’S BOOK OF EXPERIENCE Q: If you were to take yourself as a songwriter and as a person and treat them as one, would you say that you’re governed exclusively by emotions? Apryl: I am a lot governed by my emotions. I always have been and I probably always will be. I am a very emotional person; and I think it’s good for what I do that I am. Q: What do you endeavor to make people feel with your music? Apryl: Aware. Awareness. I want people to have a realistic perspective of how people live, and to count their blessings a little more. Q: To take it a step further, how do you want people to relate to your music and the subject matter in your songs? Apryl: When it comes to writing, I don’t care if they relate to it at all. Somebody will. Somebody will relate to certain parts of what I’m writing. I don’t know how I can relate to everybody. I don’t want to try. Some people don’t want to hear; they don’t want to know. I’m not writing for other people, really. I don’t mean to sound selfish; but if I write for other people – I want to say something interesting; something that makes people think; but the truth is…..(pause). These are hard questions. I am writing for people; but they’re statements that they can listen to or not listen to. I don’t care if they like it or not. That’s more accurate. It is written for them. If they like it, it evokes an emotion. If they don’t like it, it evokes an emotion. Either way, it’s fine with me. Q: Is “statement” the most accurate word? Apryl: No. They’re just my personal reflections; my personal experiences. People are going to identify or not identify. Either way, I’m unaffected. I hope they like it. At the same time, I’m not offended if they don’t. Q: The sequence of songs, as well as the overall dynamic of Waterproof Mascara, is very understated, especially by comparison to your first Ep even though three out of the five songs from that first Ep appear on your full-length disc. You even put a relatively slow, albeit lush, song as the opener, “Blow.” How is the whole dynamic of the record reflective of what you want Waterproof Mascara to say? Why is it that way? Apryl: I think it’s very reflective of what I wanted to say. Waterproof Mascara is a major catharsis. It just reflects the time, the mood, the pain. It was a story, different chapters in a woman’s book of experience; a certain time period. It’s more about relationships. At the end, you probably caught the hidden track a cappella, “Waterproof Mascara.” It says, “No more waterproof mascara for me; no more waterproof mascara, I need. As far as I could tell, I’m coming out through hell. No more waterproof mascara for me. No more last resorts or tragedies for me.” It’s just a little lullaby and it kind of full-circles it. It shows strength. “No more guessing games, no more tragedies for me.” It’s only a minute long, but it says “No more.” I’m done with these chapters. Q: Where do you want to take your music and how will you change as a recording artist? Apryl: My music can’t come from those places anymore, and that’s o.k., because there’s so much going on all around me. The human condition is all around me, and in unique form because of where I am. It’s time. For example, when I talked about “Obsession” being the first and only song I’ve ever written about somebody else, it’s time that I really explore that. Q: Except that “Obsession” was about you, too. Apryl: It was. It was a combination; but it’s the first time that I really did have someone else in mind, where I wasn’t just completely introspective. I really would like to go in that direction. It could be about me, too, because it’s always about our experiences mixed with how we perceive. It’s never just about somebody else. There’s always a little piece of me. I’d like to focus more on what’s going on in the world, what’s going on around me. Things that I can see that maybe they can’t see for themselves. That would be interesting and valuable. Q: Do you have any plans to tour in support of Waterproof Mascara? Apryl: I would love to tour. Currently, we haven’t solidified plans; but the intention is to do so. Q: Are you going to be playing live anywhere in the near future? Apryl: Yes. I’m actually working on putting something together in Las Vegas. Q: Is there anything in closing that you want to say about yourself as an artist, anything at all relative to you? Apryl: I’m excited about the future. I’m excited about going in a different direction. I’m excited about reevaluating what I see and seeing it from a better place. It’s nice to see things from on top of the hill. You see a lot more. I’m excited about the fact that I feel like I’m standing on the hill versus in the hole. It’s a nice place to be and an exciting place from which to write. -- Greg Debonne http://www.myspace.com/apryllaurenhttp://www.myspace.com/apryllaurenhttp://www.apryllauren.comhttp://www.myspace.com/apryllaurenhttp://www.myspace.com/apryllaurenhttp://www.myspace.com/apryllaurenhttp://www.myspace.com/apryllaurenhttp://www.myspace.com/apryllaurenshapeimage_1_link_2
 
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photo credit: Adrian Carr
photo credit: Adrian Carr
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